Johannesburg – In what experts are calling “a series of questionable decisions that somehow worked out”, 29-year-old Ashley Nzambi of Fourways has reportedly become the acting CEO of a mid-sized fintech company – all because she subscribed to a laptop online.
“I just wanted something with decent RAM and a cute keyboard,” Nzambi explained from her new corner office, while sipping oat milk from a crystal tumbler. “Next thing, I’m firing someone named Pieter and using phrases like ‘synergy’, and ‘let’s circle back.’”
Sources say Nzambi subscribed to the laptop because she didn’t feel like dealing with mall salespeople or paying R30k upfront “for something that’ll be outdated by December”. Instead, she landed on a sleek MacBook through Rentoza – a decision that would accidentally launch her into the upper echelons of corporate power.
“It started when I joined a Zoom call I wasn’t invited to,” she confessed. “I was just trying to test the webcam quality. But before I could leave, someone mistook me for the new strategy lead and asked me to present. So I did what any sane person would do – I opened Canva and made a pie chart. No one questioned me.”
By the end of the week, Nzambi had been added to five leadership WhatsApp groups, asked to approve a budget, and cc’d on an email titled “URGENT: Q2 Roadmap”.
“I still don’t know what a roadmap is. But I’ve learned if you say things like ‘We need to shift paradigms’ and nod a lot, people just go with it,” she said.
Her rise through the company was meteoric. By month two of her subscription, she’d made keynote speeches at three tech conferences, hired a personal assistant named Donovan, and begun referring to herself in the third person during meetings.
“Nzambi doesn’t believe in half-measures,” she told a group of stunned investors.
But not everyone is convinced. Pieter (last name withheld for legal reasons), the former CEO – who is now “exploring new opportunities” – believes Nzambi’s success is a sign of something deeper.
“She’s just confident,” he muttered while reorganising his LinkedIn endorsements. “And she had that laptop. It looked expensive. I guess that made people trust her.”
Meanwhile, Nzambi says she has no plans to stop.
“I might subscribe to a treadmill next,” she said. “Start a fitness company. Or a cult. Not sure yet.”
When asked what she’d say to others thinking about subscribing to Rentoza, she simply replied, “Do it. You never know what could happen. You might just become a boss.”
Moral of the Story?
You don’t need a trust fund, 10-year plan, or inherited board seat to win at life. Sometimes, all you need is a laptop, a dream, and a flexible subscription with Rentoza.
