CAPE TOWN – Local man Janko Etsebeth, 27, is currently staring at the home screen of his brand-new gaming console, wondering if watching the menu animations counts as playing.

"I saved up for months to get this," he said, adjusting his controller, which remains tragically untouched by gameplay. "But now… I can’t actually afford any games."

Etsebeth, who proudly bought the console outright instead of subscribing through Rentoza, admits he "didn’t really think this through." After dropping his entire budget on the hardware, he is now relying on free trials, demo versions, and the deep, existential dread of his own financial decisions while losing another game of Solitaire on easy mode.

"I tried downloading a free game, but even that had in-app purchases," he confessed. "I’m starting to think capitalism is just one big boss battle, and I’m losing."

Friends report that Etsebeth has also attempted to convince them to "game-share," which in this case means begging for their login details. "He asked me to ‘bless’ him with a game," said longtime friend Garreth Amoore. "Bro, I’m not Santa. Just subscribe to Rentoza like a normal person."

Experts (read: anyone with basic financial sense) confirm that had Etsebeth subscribed to his console instead of buying it outright, he’d actually have money left over for games – maybe even an extra controller if he was feeling fancy.

"I mean, Rentoza literally lets you upgrade, swap, or cancel anytime," Amoore added. "Meanwhile, this guy is out here changing his wallpaper and profile icon every three minutes – because that’s the only feature he can actually use for free."

At press time, Etsebeth was last seen on YouTube, watching a full playthrough of a game he will never afford – comforting himself with the thought, “Watching someone else play and have fun is basically the same thing, just without the playing or the fun.” Meanwhile, his other tab remained open on Rentoza’s gaming subscriptions, where the concept of actually playing lingered like a distant dream.